I need to chat with a parent with an autistic child

[sara sylvara]

I am at my wits end I have been searching the internet looking for someone to comunicate with about my son and the problems I face as well as listen to other parents who want to be heard.And have someone who understands what its like to hav people stare at you when you go shopping and he has a melt down and starts to shake the cart when he is in it.They tend to give you the whats the matter with you cant you control that child?!When you know hes not being a brat hes autistic.I have trird to go to web addresses that have been posted thinking i have reached someone to talk to and I end up at a website when I needto talk to some one any one so I am trying to ask you out there to contact me I dont care if I get a thousand responses back I will answer them all.There has to be somebody i can chat with that feels the need to vent or ask has your child done this type of behavior what did you do?Or just give the high five when he finally reachs a goal.I am so proud of what my son has been ablto do ,I need to say yes!!!.I have gotten a response grom som body saying go to a local support group.The support group we go to is a place for speakers to talk about autism,not share and tell.So please feel free to e-mail me at <!-- e --><a href="mailto:jandysmommy@web-room.net">jandysmommy@web-room.net</a><!-- e --> I would thank you very much,there are some friends of mine ho try to listen but if your not a parent of an auutistic child you have no idea what we go through.Excuse the typing errors I am new at this.

[donna]

Hi Sara,

I would love to chat with you! My son is 12 with autism, learning disability. Things have been difficult lately with behaviours, i havnt been on here for awhile.

Donna x

[sara sylvara]

donna this is sara do you feel more comfortable chating on this forum?rather then e-mail me directly?its ok.if you would rather stay here.just be a friend,thats all i want.My son is 8 he was diagnosed when he was 3.We had no ideawhat autism was.we never had any body we knew with an autistic child.Or we would have gotten him in a year early.We just thought he was just a quiet kid.He didnt have outbursts,he didnt rock back and forth,he didnt show any of the typical traits fo autisim.He just didnt speak.We went through the battery of tests,were asked lots of questions.Was in denial about it all.didnt want to believe that some thing was wrong with our son.His first word was boo,not used to scare someone it was all he would say.WE got him in early to a special education and he was 3 when he started to go It took him until this year where we can somewhat have a conversation like you would have with a 1 year old.He still struggles with comunicating back and forth.It is nice to here where is mama?when its time to go somewhere.It has been an uphill climb with a lot of bumps in the road but I know we will get there its just a matter of time.he still struggles with toileting and you just want to pull your hair out because one day he asks to go potty and the next day he goes on the floor.Thats why autisim is such a puzzle you cant figure out what happened from one learned skill you think he has acomplished and the next you back at square one.Makes you shake your head alot.He has tought me things to see the tree in th forest instead of the forest in the trees.he focuses on one object and studys it.thats fasinating.Well ill go now I will be back as long as you wish me to respond.You can direct e-mail me if you wish. Thanks.your friend sara.

[donna]

Hi sara,

Im not very good with computers!! i want to correspond with you by email and and have typed it out but i cant send it as i need a server for the 'pop'. Not sure how to do this!

Donna

[sara sylvara]

donna just take your time in figuring things out.Im not sure if i can figure things out on this end but I will muddle through this.tell me something about your son and your self ?its not that i dont want any oneon this sight to read what has been posted its just a little more funner to be able to go to you directly.i get such few e-mails.I belongto a moms group we meet every other wendsday,they have helped me to overcome some of my shyness I guess you can say.See im the type of person who would rather stay home then venture out of my safty zone.I got a invitation to join a group of moms to talk about life children husbands recipies saveing money or nothing at all just hang.and at the time I was going through a ruff time with my son that i needed an outlet for myself.I feel like such a failor sometimes when it comes to my son.Am I doing enough for him I try not to ignore the needs of my 3 year old daughter it seems sometimes she dosnt get the quality time that she deserves.So when james goes to school then its just me and her time.me im 47 didnt get prenant with James untill I had been married for 20 years.So sometimes I have guilt in that.Not any thing we could havedone to change that I didnt know i was pregnant untill i was about 5or6 months along.I have never smoked or drank alcohol no one in our immediate familyshave had a child who has autisim.It just happened.well Ill close now let you take abreak I can talk non stop about my son thank you for answering me.your friend sara

[ashafabi]

please feel free to contact me, visit my blog on abhimaanaya.blogspot.com. I am a parent as well as a Special Education teacher and counselor. My blog is mainly to provide support / information and a a platform to discuss issues as faced by u. Please let me know ur comments. thanx

[sara sylvara]

i will go to your web address So far i havent had much luck at a blog forum but i am willing to look into it so i will go there if i have a problem logging on i will let you know thanks for responding to my request.What iam hoping for is someone any and all one who is wanting to talk to me at my web adress but its ok if this is where i can go to to let off some steam or cry with out being judged on why.

[donna]

Hi Sara,

Im a single parent to jay (12) and daughter jiquara (14). Jay was diagnosed with autism around 31/2 yrs old at an assessment nursery but always knew something was not right as he didnt really babble much or single words always led me by the hand to anything he wanted. He started an autism specific school age 5 and will be there till he is 16. He has come on since school because before then he was completely non verbal, he can tell me his wants and needs and the past the few months he's been doing really well answering 'WH' questions. But jay has alot and i mean alot of mood changes, in minutes he can change without no reason. He has been on risperidone nearly a 1yr now which has really helped him with anxiety and outburts. His sister is a great help around the house with him, he loves being chased but basically on his terms!!

Recently behaviours with jay have been up and down, he can have a few good weeks then all of a sudden things change with his mood which could probably be hitting puberty. Even though hes not aggressive and hitting out like he did he can have outbursts were i cant see no reason and the only thing to do is leave him alone to calm then i know hes calmed when he comes up to me touching my neck! Jay is very rigid in his ways and wont go outside with anyone else but myself. Jay goes to afterschool club on monday's and saturdays a disablity play scheme. But i also have social services to give me a break whereby a staff member would take jay for a few hours sat and sun to do the things he likes to do riding bike, go the park, mcdonalds anywhere but jay will not go at all, they give jay time to get used to them so the staff member started coming to our house months ago to get to know jay but jay wouldnt go out the house with him so i suggested if he goes to jays plays scheme and get to play with him their. It didnt work out jay at playscheme as he ususally does his own thing and doesent really interact much with anyone.

The only people jay goes out with is me and school and he recently went on a school residential trip for 5 days which was lovely for him and he had a great time. I spent that time relaxing with my daughter and having meals out and basically just doing things spur of the moment that we cant do even if i prepare jay with his pecs symbols sometimes he just wont accept it.

Sara, how old is your son. Is your son social to other people?

[sara sylvara]

Donna,my son is 8.Right now we arehaveing difficulties to get him to be consistant on useing the toilet.He will usually pee he will askgo potty mama go potty?then go but once in a while on his own.he has a problem with going poo.he has gotten into this habit of going on the floor in his roomand then bring it down stairs to tell us go potty.its gross we dont punish him.what can we do?Dont know.We had a terrible time with it when he was 3to 4he would take it out of his diaper and paint the walls with it.After th millionth time I cried while doing it but I took his hand and touched the wall grabed his hand and touched his but and repeatally told him no.Like rubbing the nose of a puppy to potty train it.I felt so bad.No kid should have gone through that.But it did stop him from doing it again.In school he will go usually independaly.even takes his pullup off soon as he gets there puts on underware and hes fine the whole day untill he gets home then he screams diaper on till I do it.Luckly he is still tiny he fits in a size six diaper still.I have been letting go naked around the house,this has helped with him anting to go pee in the toilet a few times if I catch him he will go poo to.His sister Brandy isnt autistic.she is 3.and she has become my stress reliever at times.We took a chance in going to concieve her I had her at allmot 45 tears old.I know the good Lord has a plan for her to watch out for her brother.Not take care of him.I wouldnt place that responsibility on her.he has made progress in saying what he wants in short senences.Like...moma upstairs,I want mama upstairs.Or I want calored rice cearal {fruitypebbles}or I want red pop{coke]go get a red pop.he talks with out many action words[verbs}HE has learned to try to make his wants known buy picture symballs.at school.I have been working with him for about a year now of what hurts.He came down stairs crying I asked him what hurts i went an named body parts till he said hurt the leg.I need to some how get him to tell me what hurts inside.Any sugestions?Well its late and my eyes hurt.so Ill close now. your friend Sara

[sara sylvara]

Donna i forgot to add.No james isnt social with otherpeople he dosnt know.He will parallel playwith his classmates I have seen him play with his sister on ocasion that looked like real play behavior.that moved me to tears.Because his sister trys so hard to get him to respond to he when she wants ro play hide and seek.I have to tell her james dosnt want to play right now.She gets so excited to see her brother come off the bus she will run to him and give him a hug saying your home your home.No response from james.Soon as she has more understanding we will tell her that james dosntknow how to greet you yet or that James is autistic havee you had to tell child family member that your son is autistic.How or what did you say? Sara.