HELP... MY son refuses to go to school...

[clazclan]

this is soooo difficult, my son has attended mainstream since he was five, and we recently got his diagnosis that hes autistic and dyspraxic. his moods towards going to school have fluctuated to say the least over the years but at the moment its becoming increasingly difficult to get him there, he says he just cant cope. bear in mind its a large school of 700 kids, i understand how overwhelming this can be and that he hasnt made any progress for years so that must be sooo tough. im also in the middle of trying to get him statemented. do i take him out of school and home tutor him for the time being until he gets in the right school. or have the horrific tantrums and fear that hes displaying, this is sooo tough for us as a family and i need advice of what and where to go next thankyou in advance ...a distressed mum x

[cyberpedz]

Hi clazclan i am sorry to hear that this must be very hard on you all, i am not sure what to suggest but i guess you can not really force him to go maybe if you did have him at home it may help in them getting him into a more appropriate school at the end of the day you need to follow your instinct if you feel it is really not helping him then go with that and take him out.

Sorry i could not help anymore please let us know how you get on with this all.

[clazclan]

thanks for your response, i finally managed to get him in this morning after horrendous couple of hours, hes nearly 10yrs old and has barely made any progress in school in recent yrs, even his seven yr old brother has overtaken him, the head at school believe i should keep sending him...why?? i ask myself, i felt as if i was torturing him this morning and every time it happens, he suffers with high anxiety levels which brew and brew throughout the day, then when he comes home explodes everything to me..he doesnt and cant explode at school and never has done. i have just completed all my evidence for the statementing process and that was scary enough..any other advice or tips would be helpful, but my gut feeling is to take him out because I just feel its damaging him more sending him in...thankyou to all you readers, especially the ones who respond could do with some feedback at the mo, this is sooooo tough!!!!

[Marion Pusey]

Hi,
My son Eric who had autism is now 25 years old.
Around 10 years ago, Eric could not understand or handle the world becoming more complex. The schools believed in (forced) integration i.e. "no choice" and that autistic children would become "normal" if they were around normal children !!! The schools never had enough money for a teacher’s aid for Eric. In grade 6 & 7 Eric had to share a teacher’s aid with 6 other children throughout the school. The teachers did not have a clue about autism and I as a parent was not aloud to go in to help Eric. The teachers did not adapt what they taught i.e. more visuals, letting Eric use "point form", giving Eric copies of the notes, etc., etc. With all this happening my autistic son Eric became extremely aggressive, becoming a danger to himself and everyone around him. He would be sent home i.e. expelled from school at least once or twice a week.
Eventually Eric was accepted into a special school and was also put on Resperidone.
In the special school for grades 8 & 9 these are things that were used to help Eric which could help any children:
- smaller class sizes.
- programs were adapted to meet the students learning needs and learning styles.
- students with ASD are concrete thinkers and don`t understand abstract.
They find it hard to "read between the lines" and they take things very literally.

Students with ASD were given social skills training and some life skills training
eg. Meal planning - deciding on a menu, finding recipies, buying the ingrediants (which involves money skills),
preparation and cooking.
eg. How to prepare for unexpected situations such as what to do if you are on a city bus
and you miss the stop you wanted to get off on.
eg. How to make and maintain friendships.
eg. Learning body language.
eg. Learning social boundaries and rules.
eg. Learning how to generalize learned information to use and to apply in different situations.

Eric went on to complete grades 10, 11 and 12 in a regular high school.

When Eric started college we met with counsellors in the "Center for Students with Disabilities".
Adaptions that were made:
- Teacher`s notes/lectures were put on computer which was accessible by any student. This helps
a student who processes using one sense at a time.
- Students were able to record lectures using tape recorders.
- Eric was given a "note taker" who used special paper (carbon copy paper) and would give Eric a copy of the notes.
- Lots of "hands on" learning.
- Lots of visuals eg. videos/CDs/DVDs, pictures, use of over head projections, etc.
Pictures are available for as long as the student needs in order to process and learn the information.
Words are heard but only last for as long as it takes to say the words.
Eric graduated college.

I hope this information helps.

Marion Pusey (Ottawa, Ontario, Canada)

[louisereecejones]

hi i have a six year old I did take him out of school, It is not the best option because they can become school phobic however you have to way that up with your sons well being and i am afraid for me his well being came first. Only you know what is best for your child and I am sure what ever choice you make it will be the right one x stay strong hun its a really hard choice to make x louise x

[Janice Adamson]

Often when my own children have meltdowns, I always ask myself if it was worth the struggle in the aftermath. Or prior to a situation that will provoke a meltdown if it will be worth it in the end.Pick your battles, especially if he puts himself and or others at risk. Is he getting bullied at school, is there negative feedback from teachers towards him, are also things to consider. If there is a school guidance/resource teacher available, a social worker, a school psychologist, you may be able to get some answers as far as guidance. I've also included teachers, the principal, and an educational assistant (if applicable) to the meeting to discuss the best strategies for dealing with what may be causing his unwillingness to attend school.Any new situation will cause anxiety, as is common with ASD's and the child's perception of what he is trying desperately to make sense of in the world around him can further exasperate the issues surrounding his coping mechanisms.For most children like ours, coping mechanisms have to be learned, yet they come so naturally to NT children.Often they will react to feelings without understanding what it is they are feeling. I agree that the size of the school may be part of the issue, and can be quite overwhelming. Do they have him paired with a peer mentor? Either way I would suggest a meeting with the school before pulling him out. Perhaps adaptations or modifications need to be made to suit his individual needs. I would also mention these issues to his psychiatrist,psychologist and pediatrician so that it can be recorded on file, and if he happens to be on medications, a psychiatrist specializes in that area, and can make adjustments or prescribe medications for emotional lability until he learns alternative coping skills.